1x20 - M.A.D. (Mututally Assured Destruction)
Logan: I am beyond tardy for my physics class. If I remember right, time travel is not yet possible.
Veronica: So try petty corruption. Tardy excuse slips, date-stamped, untraceable.
Veronica: No offense, but you look... odd.
Wallace: I just watched our parents cuddle on the couch last night. My eyes -- they burn.
Veronica: Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:00 to 10:00 that requires an overnight bag?
Wallace: As far as I'm concerned, they play bingo at the V.F.W. That's my story. I'm sticking with it.
Veronica: Hi. I'm here to get my phone back.
Mr. Wu: Consider this a warning. Next time, I'm keeping it, and you'll just have to gossip with your friends with two cans and a string.
Keith: How was school?
Veronica: You know -- mean kids, indifferent teachers, crumbling infrastructure.
Logan: So, the place is ours. Dad's at class. Trina's at an extremely important purse-store opening in Beverly Hills.
Veronica: Your Dad is taking classes?
Logan: Exploring the world outside himself. All part of the new Aaron Echolls. Spanish, ceramics, tae kwon do and today, glassblowing with Silvio Pirelli, master of Old World crystal. (points to glass piece) Nice, huh? Just two lessons.
Veronica: And he made a bong?
Logan: An urn for my Mom. You know, since there was no body and thus no ashes, he filled it with seawater. Because she jumped into the ocean. Get it? At least it gets him out of the house. (they kiss)
Veronica: Hey. Do you think this thing... will ever get more normal?
Logan: What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you beary much?"
Veronica: Yes. Exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring-tossing ability.
Logan: Secrets are kinda hot, too. (they kiss)
Aaron: (clears throat) Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I didn't realize you had company. Hello, Veronica.
Logan: I thought you were out.
Aaron: Yeah, well, Silvio cancelled, so I grabbed some swordfish. I thought I'd try that lime-tequila marinade. You know (laughs uneasily), I think I'll get out of you guys' hair. There's chips if you're hungry. The blue corn -- really good. (exits)
Logan: Oh, my God. Did I just get caught by my Dad making out on the couch?
Veronica: Yeah, you got caught by your Dad. *I* got caught by the star of "Breaking Point" and "Beyond the Breaking Point."
Veronica: (voiceover) The Mystery Bag? On a Tuesday? My own Dad has lost total libidinal control.
Logan: Ah, mass transit. But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rust bucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go.
Veronica: Wow. I'll just try to keep this little gesture in mind this weekend when you and Dick and the Beaver are off getting blasted and scamming cheerleaders.
Logan: Yeah. Yeah, actually I had to tell Dick I'm not available. Because I have other plans.
Veronica: There are cheerleaders with low self-esteem available domestically?
Veronica: It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass.
Mac: So... the bounty on Duncan. What's my share? Eight? Ten?
Veronica: Ten! (holds out $10 bill) But you drive a hard bargain.
Mac: I meant percent.
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