Hero

DOYLE: Look, all I'm saying is advertising a superhero who can't really go out in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions, not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator's license.
CORDELIA: And who needs a license when we have no clients?
DOYLE: We'll manage, princess. We always do.
CORDELIA: We will if we project the right image. And now I am suddenly thinking that Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He's a larger-than-life character, way too Braveheart for Joe-Couch-potato to relate to. We need someone who's... who's average, (looks Doyle up and down), run of the mill, ordinary. You're perfect.
DOYLE: While I appreciate the compliments...
CORDELIA: Come over here into the light, and let's see if we can create some cheekbones.
DOYLE: Cordelia, I'm not the photogenic type. Plus I get dry mouth.
CORDELIA: Excuse me? This is *not* a negotiation. This is a *necessity*. Our boss is in a funk. You *know* that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Now let's drum up some!
DOYLE: I don't know what we need evil for when we got you right here.

DOYLE: If you need help. Then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low.
CORDELIA: Rates!
DOYLE: (RE: cue cards) It says 'rats'. Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who will go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world. Is that it? Am I done?
CORDELIA: I don't know. I'm not getting every man, I'm getting... weasel. We don't want weasel.
DOYLE: I don't know. I think people will be pouring in as soon as they hear about our low rats. I could take another crack at it.
CORDELIA: I don't think so.
DOYLE: Weasel factor, huh?

CORDELIA: Well, the guy is a bona fide hero, would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
DOYLE: I don't see Angel putting on some tights... Oh, now I do, and it's *really* disturbing.

DOYLE: Hey. Is this a private catharsis or can anyone watch?
ANGEL: What do you want?
DOYLE: Well, there's a girl upstairs who's not quite sad enough to cry in my arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky.
ANGEL: I just need a little time.
DOYLE: Believe me I know. Last time I saw my ex, she was around for five minutes and I was a wreck for days. Amazing how they can do that to you.
ANGEL: Buffy was here for more than five minutes.
DOYLE: Okay, 10, but who's counting?
ANGEL: Actually she was here for a whole day and night.
DOYLE: Alright. One of us has been drinking and I'm sad to say, it isn't me.

ANGEL: I feel something coming, Doyle. I don't know what, but I know we're a part of it.
DOYLE: Well, if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to them? It just seems unfair, you know? You gotta save all the helpless types around here and now you've gotta fight the apocalypse as well?
ANGEL: It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight, whichever way you can.
DOYLE: Tell you what, you fight - and I'll keep score.

LUCAS: I'm not asking you to fight, just help us hide till we can get out of town.
DOYLE: You got the wrong guy, pal. You want to set up a little off-track betting? Then I got the know-how. But demon-hiding? It's not my line.
LUCAS: You're one of us.
DOYLE: No, I'm not. I was raised human. I'm not looking to explore me roots.
LUCAS: We don't have anyone else to turn to.
DOYLE: Look, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're up against something real big here. Anybody that helps you, they're taking a chance. And I'm not, you know, dying to take chances.
LUCAS: Doyle, if you don't believe we share a common family, believe we share a common enemy. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Guess not.

CORDELIA: Yes! It's out front. Hey, Doyle, you did notice that these folks are demons.
DOYLE: Yeah, I know that. Doesn't make them bad people.
CORDELIA: (to the demons) Excuse us a sec? (to Doyle) Okay, mission statement check: aren't we supposed to be battling the forces of darkness?
DOYLE: They're not forces of darkness! They're half-human, and they're in trouble. Now, we don't have a lot of time. Angel wants you to go down to the LA harbor, pier 12, slip 4, the Quintessa. Use Angel's name. He knows the Captain.
CORDELIA: So, we're booking them on a cruise?
DOYLE: Basically, yeah.
CORDELIA: I'm guessing not Carnival.
DOYLE: The guy runs a freighter. He owes Angel some money. He does this, they're even.
CORDELIA: Ho, ho, hang on! This guy owes Angel money? Why aren't we collecting it?
DOYLE: Cordy, oppressed demon people here, not getting any safer!
CORDELIA: So, we're sending them on a cruise, *and* we're paying for it?

DOYLE: And your people can call him 'the promised one' or the 'dark avenger', what does it matter?
RIEFF: It matters because it's a lie!
DOYLE: They put their faith in something, Rieff. You don't have to if you don't want to. Maybe Angel doesn't know what he's doing. It's possible. But the other option: losing yourself somewhere, hoping it all goes away, I *know* that never works.

DOYLE: What?
CORDELIA: You're alive!
DOYLE: And you're not happy?
CORDELIA: We were worried.
DOYLE: Oh. Well, its all going to be okay. (Cordy slaps him) What was that for?
CORDELIA: Why didn't you tell me you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!
DOYLE: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me.
CORDELIA: I've rejected you way before now! So, you're half demon. Big whoop! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hello?
DOYLE: It's true. I just...
CORDELIA: What do you think I am, superficial? I mean, you're half demon. That's so far down the list! Way under 'short' and 'poor'! Is there anything else I should know?
DOYLE: The half-demons thing, pretty much my big secret.
CORDELIA: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner already?
DOYLE: Yeah? (Cordy smiles at him) Cordelia. Would you like...
CORDELIA: (looks past him) It's Angel!
ANGEL: We have to shove off now.

DOYLE: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.